Last Tuesday I went for my pre-surgical appointment with my Doctor to discuss stuff concerning my hysterectomy. On the way out, he gave me two prescriptions to fill.
I thought I'd escaped without having to perform the Dreaded Bowel Prep. But no, in my hand were orders for a bottle of magnesium citrate and an enema.
DAMN, DAMN, DAMN, DAMN.
Oh wait, that comes later!
So I'm at the pharmacy, standing in front of the (well marked and obviously displayed) LAXATIVE & CONSTIPATION AIDS aisle. I thought at 48 I was beyond embarrassment but apparently, this is not the case. First up, the mag citrate, one bottle. Three flavors to choose from...which one will taste the least awful? I went for the lemon which had a happy jaunty lemon slice on the label, to help fool you into thinking that the salty, icky poop-spewing liquid was ENJOYABLE to drink. Like, you would choose to drink that over say, a nice top shelf margarita. Right.
Next, the enema.
Friends, I want you to know I am NOT an enema expert. In fact, I think I could be termed an enema novice, if not in fact an enema virgin. (Mom, you could correct me on this one, but please don't.) Fortunately, the pharmacy only had two to chose from, the regular and the store brand. And here's where you get to learn how cheap I am.
They were on sale! YES!
If you bought two, you could save forty cents on EACH ONE for a total savings of EIGHTY cents. God, the things I could do with eighty cents. And if I only purchased one, it was going to cost more than the sale price. But what in the world do I need a second enema for? Hubby? A friend? A contest prize? Furthermore, what kind of sick bastard pharmacy puts ENEMAS on sale, for cripe's sake? Like, there you are, reading the Sunday ads, and you see this: "Fleet enemas, buy one, get one FREE!" I bet the door doesn't even hit you on the ass on the way out.
But back to my dilemma; getting two cheap or one more expensively. Friends, I splurged and only got one. That was several days ago, and as you can tell, the whole thing is still bugging me.
In fact, it's becoming a pain in my...patootie.
Surgery Tuesday morning at 10 am PST!!
Talk to y'all soon,